Hello again! Sorry it has been so long since my last post. The past two weeks have been crazy. Any-who, two weekends ago my friend, and really brother to me, Kyle and I decided to go back into our pasts a little bit and went on our old myspace accounts that we can't get rid of. We laughed at ourselves and each other for a while, looking through old pictures and bulletin posts, seeing how bad our grammar was and how our personality was. Looking through it though, I realized how fake I was back then, and how I really thought I had it all together. And how wrong I was! I started my profile in late 2004, and stopped using it in 2008. So for four years, I was two different people. I wanted to look better on myspace then I did in real life. It was not genuine and not healthy. Inside of myspace, on the outside that people could see, I was a happy, vibrant teen. Outside of Myspace, I was depressed, lonely, and feeling like I didn't know who I was. But in the sinking feeling of depression I was starting to feel again reliving everything on that site, I stumbled upon this post, tucked away between two old surveys.
God is amazing. Wait let me re-write that, God is AMAZING! I have never been to a place where God was moving the lives of so many people. 24,000 college-aged students went to do what they were made for, worshipping the creator with everything they have. I have never been so amazed. Anyone who went would say the same. Looking out at the crowd, I would be speechless at worship. Me, speechless! I truly felt God this week, and I will NEVER forget it either. I met 6 amazing people who richly blessed my life forever. Thank God for my family group. I learned that my history is not my prophecy (a Beth Moore quote). So many things burden my heart the past couple weeks; People that hurt me, and I them and whether or not I wanted to be in the church anymore. Guys, I just was about to give up until Passion. I would thank Louie and his team now, but I’m not. Yes they did a great job, but God is the reason why everyone was there. He was the reason why I went. Frances Chan said do you really love God? Are you willing to say, " God, I want to give you my complete life? Everything in me, when I wake up, where you lead me and what your will is in my life?" My thoughts were “ Did he really just asked that? What kind of question is that?” Of course. But then I thought some more. And I said no. I don't really love God, because if I did, why am I doing the things I’m doing? And the more I thought the more God revealed how much he loves me. And I prayed, and prayed. God loves you and me more than anyone can comprehend. And he is an amazing God who was willing to be sacrificed for my sins. Something I can't even admit to, yet Jesus said I’d take it because I love you and don't want you to end up in hell. And I turn around and say thanks God, now I’m going to do my own thing. What ever! God is my strength. I will have none before him! Frances also asked "have you ever asked yourself about your purpose and if the church has it wrong?" My answer is yes. I have asked my purpose, and even if its being opened in little chunks, and I may not know where I’m going and when, but its all in Gods perfect and divine timing. And as for his question about the church; I think that we base everything on the tradition of the church and that sometimes its more important then what God wants in the church. So I do think that we have missed the point. Its like what Louie said the last session, " We don't know where we are going, we just know God called, and where he calls, we go." Its up to this generation, to take it and run with what God wants. And I think that once we do, God is going to do way more amazing blessings then what he already has (and if you do think he hasn't given you blessings everyday, you’re wrong.) God is amazing, and I just pray that everyday would be a new day, and you would always learn something new about Christ, and that you would be richly blessed in Gods goodness.
I leave you with Colossians 1:9-14.
9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[d] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14in whom we have redemption,[e] the forgiveness of sins.
After reading this, I felt a sense of relief. I finally found something from that wretched page that showed some glimmer of who I really was. I really had repented and finally did what I was supposed to do. I did start really working for God then, and still continue to today. I know longer feel like I know everything, and I am learning as much as I can with a humble heart and trying to not let pride take over. I hope that in reading this today, that you yourself look back and see just how much God has changed you. And hopefully, when you do, you will understand this post just a little more and not be able to hide it either.
I love you.
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